4. Elon Musk

 

The FBOTUS (First Buddy) is the richest man in the world and therefore the First Buddy. We wouldn't have won the 2024 election without him, he can hack anything. We don't need your votes.
What he can't hack he can buy, I know that after he couldn't hack being my friend. But we are now good, we have a friendship, a beautiful friendship, a special friendship.
I love him. He pays my rent.
He has a few odd turns of phrase, we put that down to him coming from a far province but he is a True American and he has lots and lots of money.
In his spare time he likes to sit in a room with his money and channel Scrooge McDuck whilst allegedly pretending to be autistic. He has lots of money, beautiful money, magnificent money.

 

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